Today I received a secret package. There are 3 things inside. One picture cutting out from a newspaper. One bag of some printed photos and one machanical watch.
Hmm… what do they mean? the picture indicates who is my next target; the photos shows some aspect of the life of my target; and the watch… alarm the time of execution.
but where is my weapon Q?
2:20am @my bed. How could I go to bed really… My brother just received a full 4 year scholarship, studying in the School of Policy, Planning and Development of University of Southern California! I am so proud of my brother! YAY!!!!!!!!!
I was a bit sick and about to go to bed right before he told me this happiest news of my life. I am still tired but I just want to write down all my thoughts before I let the excitements pass.
First, I swear, I will do my best to get into one of the film school in California. Partly because yes I do love filming and I should pursuit my passion, but partly because of the possibility of living with my brother and possibly our mother! Just having the thought we could bring our mother to live with us in the US, to show her around this world is fascinating. There is so much we can do! And the most valuable thing for me is I can show her what I experienced! Not only that tiny limited Hong Kong point of view. I have no attempt to change her “HK the best” perspective, but at least I could expand her knowledge about this world, about what culture is. And I am not alone anymore, having my brother nearby with me; we could take care each other and make our mom proud.
Yay, all of a sudden my stresses are gone and I feel less sick. This is the best news I ever have in life, even better when I got accepted to Carleton. (hmm… maybe equally excited when I got into UWC). It is interesting to see how my brother and my path diverge and converge again. For most of my childhood I was felt left behind his shadow. He has too much talent, charm, and hard work, and mine was not well-recognized. I have to defend myself that being a 11-ish smart child would accept what is unfairness in the world. I was always seeking the way out and constantly refused to do what my brother did, unless I was sure I can do better.
Among all my rebellion acts, THE most successful one must be the day that I got accepted from UWC. Still remember running up and down the Castle Road and Seymour Road, grabbing the acceptance letter from my friend’s fax machine, and screaming to my mom I was going to study in the US, without needing you any money. It wasn’t just about money. It is about finally I am being noticeable, to become outstanding, and to feel with pride and elation. There was nothing to share, I was leaving all alone. I was selfish. I misunderstood my mom’s wisdom and love. (I am crying writing this story because I am about to forgive myself, to put down the heaviest burden of my life…)
Now it is my brother’s turn to study in the US. And I am just truly happy for him. There’s no showing off or rebellion. It is all about enjoying and sharing our fruitful hard work. My brother deserves his admission, and so do us who deserve to feel proud and happy for him. There is no selfishness no more. Our family unites.
Good heart and work hard, education can change our lives.
2:39 AM @my room. I spent about another 5 hours on my photo journal again. Surprisingly it does not feel very tedious and I was having fun doing it. Hmm… Fun is not the right word, it felt contented. It is hard to tell whether I am doing this for myself or others. See building websites is definitely a mix of both. Right now I want to add more content to it so that more people can enjoy them. The PJ is a gift. And I am hoping that everyone not only will like it but will actually write down something to appreciate it. Hmm… Should I? My belief should be strong enough too keep me motivated. I am doing the right thing.
It is funny to notice all internet users tend to click whatever thumbnails they see. They do not care about the huge instructions at the top or the written descriptions. Maybe I don’t need to worry too much about them then. It could be an interesting Human-Computer-Interaction topic.
First time visiting a horizontal oriented website from my friend! Feel like an idiot but its so enlightening. http://mistersun.org.
Oh, back to my PJ, I think I care less about the quality of the pictures now. Particularly for those I took 2+ years ago, most of them are more like stories and more about people having fun. I m now starting from 2001 and working chronologically. I would definitely be more selective when it gets to the Japan session. But right now, filling the page is priority. Plus I can delete them later.
12:32 AM @my new room. I just finish baking and eating some cookies with my housemates. It was my first time ever making cookies all on my own. They tasted marvelous. I just stuffed more than 1/4 cup of butter, 1/2 cup sugar and more than 1 cup of flour in my stomach… I am going to be so fat but nah; they are too delicious to worry. 食得是福.
Moving into this new room truly lightens me up. It is the “Culinary House” where 10 residents share the loads of cooking. Very much like an idea of a mini coop, but with much stronger bonding between the residents. The first week so far really feel like heaven. First, of all, I simply love cooking. It is certainly one area that I can be as creative as I can, and have everyone (at least curious to) try my creation. But so far, I have been hiding my Asian cooking style (due to lack of ingredient), and happily learning all these western style dishes and slowly collecting recipes other people have. I used to hate following recipes, as I don’t like the restrictions, but now I appreciate them more and see them like a lab instructions that just get me started the fruitful experiences. Plus I can ask people for tips in that particular recipe. Cooking has never been so fun and easy before.
Second, I really want to thanks everyone in this house, particularly the house manager, to let me join their lively community. This place is a huge contrast to my last room. Not only my room now is spacious (that I can store a table tennis table), my social life also expands exponentially. My last room was more like a jail where each of our minds was trapped into cell and no interaction can be made. Here I have no worries finding ways to have fun with people. Inviting friends for dinner is no doubt the most pleasurable. Good food, good friends, and good conversations yield good hang out. The house is exactly designed for that. What more I can say.
So far everyone has been doing their own dishes. So I have nothing to complain. Finger crossed though.
3:25pm @Burton laundry again.
What a coincident. I skied on both the second day and the second last day of 2006. one in Korea and one in Minnesota. I can see myself how much I improved even without any instruction. Technically now I can comfortably complete any courses without wiping out. it was also a heap leap to overcome the fear/difficulties of the black diamonds. But the mostly significant thing was i learned to ski in control. For the whole day yesterday I was trying to perfect my turns, to balance out speed and curves. It was awesome to ski with Dave again.
Learning to ski with control is inspiring. We can always let go and ski straight down to the bottom. but there’s only so much speed we can handle, and we know that skiing without control is dangerous. Taking control is the key. To success.
Also there was a point my legs were painfully bruised and I could barely walk with the ski boot. But then it was my determination and desire to practice more on the mountain. I ignored and eventually forget the pain and went on ski 4 more hours. Taking control. It is all in my own head.
11:20pm @scoville. The workaholic Wain is back on Earth! Besides sleeping and eating, I am now pretty much living in Scoville, aka the media lab all the time, which is about 8am till midnight. Haven’t had such eager to work for so long. I suddenly become more efficient and creative, and the problems also turn much easier as well. Instead of puzzling what those css was, I felt like I m making some progress learning it. WoW. I really gained a lot from Trinidad. Now what I should learn is really to calm down, not to burst all my energy at once but slowly pace them on my to-do list. This blog was to-do-no.1 and its done now. The photo journal will be up next.
11:41pm @Scoville. First day after coming back from the Caribbean. I felt really refreshed and … happy! I tried hard not to start thinking too ambitious about what I can do the coming week. That’s my bad habit. I should use the energy to stick with the work list I already have. Should also concentrate more during work. Speaking of work, I m working on some QuickTime virtual reality (qtvr) files. Making web base virtual tour. Simple and effective technique but very impressive result. The hardest thing is probably waiting for computer to stitch all the image together. Link coming soon.
11:46pm @Avianne’s house. Writing gives me strength but it was so easy not to write and I am getting lazier. Why? Is that simply there are so many distractions or again I don’t believe in writing? Can’t I get more determined to continue doing the right thing? Can’t I keep my promise?
I have been thinking a lot about life again. It seems to me that I am getting over with Tenzin, and it should be time to get out of the depression. I have spent more than a week in Trinidad now. Living with Avainne’s family has slowed down myself and taught me another way to live. I remember on my birthday, was the day for long that I wasn’t worrying about anything. No work, no pressure to work, and more importantly no guilt for not working. It was a simple day that hasn’t any particular excitements. And now I should call it normal. That was simply a normal day. After all these of overseas adventure, living surrounded by some of the most talented, determined students, and being much in love so blindly, it is probably true that I forgot what normal is like. The feeling is really quite… normal. There isn’t anything great or bad about it. That is how we live.
I am who can be easily contended, for I have few wants or not being ambitious. I believe I could live on a salary as long as I won’t starve. I watched “Moulin Rouge” tonight and the main message is “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love ad be loved in return”. We live to love those we care. We share to show whom we love. I like the Bohemian idea.
I am starting to put back my values and strength inside. I should not deny what I am. And I should recognize what I am capable of and what I lack for.
