这段日子不停听着《富士山下》和《爱得太迟》，很难不喜欢这两首歌。背负着刚过去的一年教训，每次听着唱着，总是有很深的感动。
先说富士山下。或者有过心痛分手的人都会对这首歌有共鸣。没错，我的处境就是歌词中的「你」。即使能够理性地明白「要拥有必先懂失去怎接受」的道理，我还是花了很久很久才能说服自己去接受。始终，三年的感情，不可能要失去就随它失去。或者是我太相信爱一个人并不需要和她一起的爱情哲学，偶时仍拖着分手后还爱她的天真。男主角要分手，我理解；而歌中「你」的苦痛，我感同身受。
不过要说到《富士山下》对我最震撼的一句，却是「何不把悲哀感觉假设是来自你虚构」。分手是痛苦的，恋人要离开是悲哀的。那是事实。但是假若能控制那份悲哀感觉的分量，明白一切都只是因自己的心境而改变，那段忧郁的日子还可以持久吗？过去的一年，我学到的是「风境不转心境转」的道理。要是我不再提供饲料给那痛苦的梦魇，它自然会走。我说的不止是对爱情，对其它人生路上的迷惘错折失败亦要一样。
（待续）
1:40am @my room. The second week is almost over, but technically that’s the first week that I have the real taste of my new schedule. I used to have all my classes on MWF but this term TTh will be my busy day. I underestimated a bit the amount of work I have and went on too relax at the beginning of the week. I need to re-adjust it.
One highlight of my classes that worth mentioning is the non-fiction production (aka documentary) class. Not only I am excited throughout the whole 2 hours lecture about different techniques, my brain keeps spinning for ideas after the class. And more ridiculously, during my economics class about developing countries, I was constantly thinking about framing, lighting, editing, color and audio while I was watching the UNHR video… I am thinking too much. I want to make a good film; I want to practice shooting a few hours a day; I want to develop speed editing and effectively story telling; I want to tell a good story; I want to make a good film. But at this point I want to do too much.
Yes, calm down again. I noticed today during lunch how fast I really ate and how restless I looked like. I decided to make myself tea. I made myself sit down, finish/(try to enjoy) it, before start multi-tasking again. It worked.
On the note of multi-tasking, I know maybe that’s one reason I like documentary: I have to constantly adjust framing, focus, iris, audio level, white balance, also keep an eye on the environments. That’s quite a awful lot of work at the same time.
2:39 AM @my room. I spent about another 5 hours on my photo journal again. Surprisingly it does not feel very tedious and I was having fun doing it. Hmm… Fun is not the right word, it felt contented. It is hard to tell whether I am doing this for myself or others. See building websites is definitely a mix of both. Right now I want to add more content to it so that more people can enjoy them. The PJ is a gift. And I am hoping that everyone not only will like it but will actually write down something to appreciate it. Hmm… Should I? My belief should be strong enough too keep me motivated. I am doing the right thing.
It is funny to notice all internet users tend to click whatever thumbnails they see. They do not care about the huge instructions at the top or the written descriptions. Maybe I don’t need to worry too much about them then. It could be an interesting Human-Computer-Interaction topic.
First time visiting a horizontal oriented website from my friend! Feel like an idiot but its so enlightening. http://mistersun.org.
Oh, back to my PJ, I think I care less about the quality of the pictures now. Particularly for those I took 2+ years ago, most of them are more like stories and more about people having fun. I m now starting from 2001 and working chronologically. I would definitely be more selective when it gets to the Japan session. But right now, filling the page is priority. Plus I can delete them later.
12:32 AM @my new room. I just finish baking and eating some cookies with my housemates. It was my first time ever making cookies all on my own. They tasted marvelous. I just stuffed more than 1/4 cup of butter, 1/2 cup sugar and more than 1 cup of flour in my stomach… I am going to be so fat but nah; they are too delicious to worry. 食得是福.
Moving into this new room truly lightens me up. It is the “Culinary House” where 10 residents share the loads of cooking. Very much like an idea of a mini coop, but with much stronger bonding between the residents. The first week so far really feel like heaven. First, of all, I simply love cooking. It is certainly one area that I can be as creative as I can, and have everyone (at least curious to) try my creation. But so far, I have been hiding my Asian cooking style (due to lack of ingredient), and happily learning all these western style dishes and slowly collecting recipes other people have. I used to hate following recipes, as I don’t like the restrictions, but now I appreciate them more and see them like a lab instructions that just get me started the fruitful experiences. Plus I can ask people for tips in that particular recipe. Cooking has never been so fun and easy before.
Second, I really want to thanks everyone in this house, particularly the house manager, to let me join their lively community. This place is a huge contrast to my last room. Not only my room now is spacious (that I can store a table tennis table), my social life also expands exponentially. My last room was more like a jail where each of our minds was trapped into cell and no interaction can be made. Here I have no worries finding ways to have fun with people. Inviting friends for dinner is no doubt the most pleasurable. Good food, good friends, and good conversations yield good hang out. The house is exactly designed for that. What more I can say.
So far everyone has been doing their own dishes. So I have nothing to complain. Finger crossed though.
2:15am @my room. One old friend said to me he was quite impressed with what I am working on. Well, first I should give more credits to myself from myself. Not from others, I need to believe in myself. Second, on the note of the “impression”, I think as we are developing our expertise or specialize in different areas, we will be more unfamiliar with what others are doing and thus easily impressed by their work. Meanwhile, we will think of our work as normal and manageable tasks, something we will simply know how to get it done. It is very rewarding and fulfilling to have recognition from others, but at the end, we need to believe in what we are doing. It has to come from inside of oneself first.