feeling better
11:46pm @Avianne’s house. Writing gives me strength but it was so easy not to write and I am getting lazier. Why? Is that simply there are so many distractions or again I don’t believe in writing? Can’t I get more determined to continue doing the right thing? Can’t I keep my promise?
I have been thinking a lot about life again. It seems to me that I am getting over with Tenzin, and it should be time to get out of the depression. I have spent more than a week in Trinidad now. Living with Avainne’s family has slowed down myself and taught me another way to live. I remember on my birthday, was the day for long that I wasn’t worrying about anything. No work, no pressure to work, and more importantly no guilt for not working. It was a simple day that hasn’t any particular excitements. And now I should call it normal. That was simply a normal day. After all these of overseas adventure, living surrounded by some of the most talented, determined students, and being much in love so blindly, it is probably true that I forgot what normal is like. The feeling is really quite… normal. There isn’t anything great or bad about it. That is how we live.
I am who can be easily contended, for I have few wants or not being ambitious. I believe I could live on a salary as long as I won’t starve. I watched “Moulin Rouge” tonight and the main message is “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love ad be loved in return”. We live to love those we care. We share to show whom we love. I like the Bohemian idea.
I am starting to put back my values and strength inside. I should not deny what I am. And I should recognize what I am capable of and what I lack for.